Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
09.06.2025 00:12
What happened to you is not the final discard. If the narcissist is alive, chances are you’ll see another hoover. I’ve had them come a full decade later.
A little bit of poison at a time to kill you slow.
These aren’t small challenges. But humanity’s survival depends on them.
When they do that, they transfer all their shame onto you, just as they did with their abuse. But with their abuse, you only got doses of their shame.
Which is why you must heal so you resist all Hoovers.
BEFORE YOU GET TO A ROCK BOTTOM THAT YOU CAN’T come back from.
Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?
But if you want him to come back and chase you, it’s very easy.
They know it hurts you.
What happened to you is that you willfully gave the narcissist your vulnerability: you panicked over being blocked.
Is this what your inner child deserves?
I’m no longer suicidal, but I was from the ages of 8–40. I had several attempts. I felt worthless to fail. That’s the role of the scapegoat child in a narcissistic family: to carry the shame and self hate, to be so degraded and dehumanized that they see no worth in their life and no potential in themselves.
YOU will become suicidal.
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Cluster b’s are the highest suicide rate of all mental illnesses, with NPD and NPD/ASPD being #1 in success rate. That’s why 75% of suicides are men who never sought treatment.
Because then I knew…there was truly no man in this world who would find me lovable enough to STAY.
The odds are 50/50 as to which one.
Why am I so wanting to suck a penis?
You’ll be haunted.
You want him to call you? Say you want more than anything to be left alone. Say you HATE being constantly harassed.
Here’s a journal entry from before my healing:
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The narcissist now knows you fear this.
That’s your grande finale discard.
As someone who has experienced the final discard, I DO NOT RECOMMEND YOU KEEP GOING WITH THIS CYCLE.
(By the way, I hope you do realize the narcissist has MUCH MUCH darker secrets and shames than the behavior of devaluing you. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more that mask is hiding).
And trust me: heal and they’ll *fear you.*
You’re the love you always needed.
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Then you’ll get one of two things: a hoover or revenge.
Narcissists do not know what guilt or empathy feel like. They’ve never felt either.
They freak TF out.
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That shows you have something much deeper in you to heal.
The final discard of supply is DEATH.
Their brains did not develop to feel them: they’re stunted.
(NPD affects men at higher rates only due to the cultural sickness of patriarchy: boys are more likely to be golden childed than girls because narcissist parents often dictate worth by what society says it is and not reality).
We can’t begin to address this huge task until we love *ourselves* and heal.
STOP TRAUMA BONDING.
Why did my bipolar girlfriend split up with me?
THEY WILL ATTEMPT OR SUCCEED IN COMMITTING SUICIDE
Because if you think you’re in pain now, just to be blocked, you just wait until they’re in a casket. I’m wearing a ring from my ex as we speak. He’s been dead 27 years.
Real emotional empathy, not cognitive empathy, prevents people from abusing: it makes us feel the pain of others as if it’s our own when they hurt. We emotionally connect to them. So it hurts us to hurt others.
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If even my father could abandon me, I’d never be loved.
And while narcissists hate us to their core, they mask as us. They pretend to have empathy and be really loving; they also play victim. They often think get misdiagnosed as BPD because they only get help in a collapse state when self harming.
People can only heal themselves, and narcissists have a steeper battle in that they have brain development stunting and frontal lobe damage.
Why do very skinny girls get more male attention if it is true that men like curves?
Narcissist or not, you should never be chasing someone who shows you they don’t want to be with you and have no consideration for your feelings.
Find it and start tending to it rather than fretting about the narcissist discard.
So you’ve got to save yourself. You’re the hero you’ve been waiting for. You’re the love you need.
Every love interest of a narcissist becomes a an abused scapegoat. It’s part of their disorder.
So I say this with the sincere hope that I can save others from this pain.
REAL EMOTIONAL EMPATHY PLUS SELF LOVE IS A *SUPERPOWER*.
And that’s also the thing that makes us survive: humans are the top of the food chain because we collaborate in large numbers. This requires love and empathy.
THEY WILL ATTEMPT OR SUCCEED IN KILLING YOU
My memoir, This is a Story About Ghosts, is now available on Amazon.
You say you weren’t like this before the narcissist, but those abandonment issues don’t come from no where.
If you experience the narcissist’s “grand finale final discard,” you will know it and have zero question about it.
I’ve never seen a narcissist heal, but I’m hopeful someday our culture may raise awareness and actually want to address it meaningfully and make progress.
My first love, a young narcissistic sociopath, committed suicide at 15. His closeted narcissist lover committed suicide seven years later. My sociopath father attempted suicide when I was in my 20s. A couple narcissists nearly killed me. One narcissist drugged me and raped me for three weeks.
Because that’s the whole point of them projecting their shame into you: to make you feel it to relieve it from themselves.
NO SUPPLY.
The extreme pain from the shaming of others is what keeps narcissists alive and functioning.
This type of abuse is how empaths are made. Just as the colloquial term for NPD is sociopath, the colloquial term for BPD is empath.
To hurt others is supply that feeds the grandiosity of their power and importance.
That’s it. That’s the only final discard there is.
Narcissists think they’re THE BEST. Borderlines think they’re THE WORST.
NO LIFEBLOOD.
So, either way, it ends in toxicity.
Someone I know was married to a narcissist and they had a toddler. He was cheating and drinking a lot and abusive, and they were fighting often. One night, she took the baby and got a hotel, saying she was going to divorce him.
The Hoover option will only feel great for a hot minute because at that point, the intent of it is revenge for not chasing them and making them feel godlike.
Rock bottom.
Even Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (written by a narcissist, so you might as well take it as confession) ended in suicide.
So, you choose: is this the fantasy love you’ve always dreamed of?
And they’ll harass you.
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I know it’s not my love that is defective now, but I’d be lying if I said that these wounds inside of me aren’t gangrene.
You’ll be maimed for life.
They can’t control a person who is educated and has empathy and self love.
Narcissists prey on those with weak self love.
We both have self hate at our core, but narcissists remedy it by loving a false grandiose self instead. Delusion is a part of their disorder.
The next day he was found hanging in his garage.
So it’s those of us without NPD who are tasked to do that work to try to push for cultural awareness, treatment, education, changing cultural values, destigmatizing mental health, dismantling hierarchal power systems, and eliminating child abuse, sexual abuse, and shame.
You’ve seen it in every mass shooter. You’ve seen it in the Dateline shows in which love turns to murder. You’ve seen it in the genocide and war enacted by narcissist politicians. You’ve seen it with narcissist sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein hanging from his prison cell.
If you want anything from a narcissist, you have to tell them the opposite.
As the family scapegoat, your empathy for others will be called “overly emotional” by the narcissists and your abuse is said to be deserved or is non-existent. Your grief and despair and need for love is deemed “crazy” or “stupid.”
(This is also how narcissists function with their cultural scapegoats. For example, this is how they treated and socialized slaves and the propaganda and projections they spread about race. Narcissists tend to have personal, familial, and cultural scapegoats).
With the family scapegoat, narcissists in the family always have someone they can compare themselves to who they feel better than. They also can redirect and project their hatred onto them. No matter what you do or how authentic your love, they always see you as ALL BAD.
Because my love wasn’t good enough to save them.
Even now, I don’t see myself as victim. I have been far too strong for that label.
Why am I going on about borderlines?? Because if you look at what happened to us, YOU SEE YOUR FUTURE. Is this the future you want?
Finding the wound is how they can extract supply.
Because self love is POWER.
But narcissists are used to being chased, especially because they commonly date other narcissists. So…what happens when you *don’t* chase them and *don’t* respond and just move on with your life and focus on other things?
Why else do you think narcissists have the instinct to make you feel worthless?!
Pro-tip: an authentic borderline does think of themselves as victims. We think we deserved it.
But you can’t heal them.
I’m not exaggerating. It’s that serious.
Is this your true worth?
HEAL YOUR CODEPENDENCY ISSUES.
Something that stands out: “a lovable girl would not be raped.”
This doesn’t mean we can’t collapse and be reactively abusive, but the difference is that when you have empathy, the abuse of others will cause extreme guilt. Debilitating and often suicidal guilt, especially for those we love most, no matter what they do to us.
Unfortunately this disorder and a lifetime of scapegoat abuse can make recognizing abuse more challenging because we’ve been groomed to hate ourselves and see having boundaries as bad and our feelings as burden, so self hate and loving abusers is easy.
ONE OF YOU DIES.
If you don’t experience the grand finale final discard of suicide or murder, then you will likely be driven to attempt or succeed in discarding yourself.
I never chased a narcissist: I found that idea so humiliating. When I was discarded or betrayed, I figured it just meant what I presumed before the narcissist: I’m ugly and unlovable. It’s the mantra I was raised by.
My father didn’t even succeed, but nothing hurt me more in life than when the police called me to tell me that my father was in the hospital after being found unconscious with a shotgun next to him in the garage.
The final discard.
This is an addiction to a toxic substance and you have to quit or it will kill you. In quitting, you’ll protect the narcissist’s life too.
But it’s not just me who has seen the tragic endings to narcissistic abuse. You’ve seen it too.
But today is not that day. It’s not coming anytime soon. We have a LOT of work to do. We are such a sick, trauma bonded, and oblivious culture that we give narcissists power IN EVERY INSTITUTION AND INDUSTRY.
It’s not uncommon for family scapegoats to also have autism, as I do: there’s a lot of brain damage from experiencing cognitive dissonance and gaslighting from birth. And we tend to get mocked for that too, no matter how intelligent we are, how much we can function, or how much we attempt to mask our autism.
That’s how it ends.
The thing that makes us human—empathy and compassion—are endangered.
They’re motivated to look for your wounds to exploit them.
UNTIL YOU ALMOST DIE AND FINALLY WAKE UP.
I have experienced many narcissist enmeshments as a borderline who was the scapegoat child of two narcissists who trauma bonded for decades, and I’ve experienced the grand finale final discard only a couple of times. Here is how you know:
When they die or try to kill you, it’s a nuclear bomb.